Enterprising Moms Network Inc

Guest post by Nancy Milton - www.lifedots.ca

Should sucks.  Really, it totally does.  I have been “shoulding” my whole life.  “You should call your grandma (daily), you should make a proper dinner (vs. serving myself a great plate of nachos with cheese and salsa), you should clean the garage, you should get up/ showered & dressed before the kids interrupt the process.”  See what I mean?  There’s a whole “here’s how it’s supposed to be done” guilt part of life that, to put it bluntly, I’m tired of.  So, I’m letting go of ‘should’, and have reintroduced  ‘would’. And today, I will make the introductions to you.

I’m a morning person.  Pre-kids, I would set the alarm in the morning (it’s amazing I still remember this, it seems so long ago).  When the alarm would go off (music, no shrilling “GET UP” ringing for me), I’d simply lie there for a couple minutes.  Listen to the news from the radio, open my eyes, do the mental check list on the body parts (and ailments), LOVE the feeling of the comforter cocooning me and the moments of pleasure without a to-do list running through my head like nails on a chalk board.

I gave this up 5+ plus years ago.  This 5 minutes of bliss. This ‘connect with my mind/ body/ spirit regime and all it’s benefits’ to instead thrust myself out of bed – to the point of sometimes dizzy – to begin the marching orders of my routine for that day. 

Then, one morning it all changed.  The kids “slept in” (for clarity, this is anytime after 7:00am) and I woke up independently.  I listened to the birds chirping. I stretched. I thought about the dream I woke from. I enjoyed a couple moments of “ahhh’.  Then it hit me.  I’VE MISSED THIS.  I NEED this back in my life.  Then my inner voice started with the ‘shoulds’.  “You’re now behind schedule. You should get dress FAST, make the bed, put on your make up, wake the kids and do it without seeming frantic because you’re late.”  Let me ask you this, does your inner voice know my inner voice?  This particular morning, I put a stop to it.

 Simply. I didn’t should.

Instead I “would”.

So, the kids come in within minutes of this blissful experience and the 5 year old literally asks me “Mommy what are you doing in bed?!?”.  I laugh out loud. Then asked them to both climb in (bed) with me so I could teach them to “would”.  So they climb in and I prep them for the “experience” (worded more kid friendly then I have for you). “Would it be nice to start every morning with a couple minutes giggling in bed? Would it be joyous to gaze out the bedroom window & enjoy the beauty of the start of the day? Would it be a better day to feel a connection (to self or each other) before throwing back the covers to rush to get to school?” 

It’s no shock to you I am sure, the answers to each would were yes.  So, every morning they climb in to wake me up.  We come up with shapes within the clouds & tree branches out my window, we talk about our dreams, we talk about our day.  We connect.  And the alarm is set for a specific time to allow us to wake each other up and have this “would” time in case anyone ever oversleeps again (ha...have only needed that alarm once).

Everyday my live was full of ‘shoulds’.  I ‘should’ empty the dishwasher. I ‘should’ get this stuff to the drycleaners.  I’ve got lots of ‘shoulds’ in my life that I’ve relabelled with ‘must’.  For the rest of them, I do my ‘would’ test to help me better access if the ‘should’ is a ‘must’.  If it’s not a must I then ask myself, what would be best in the situation? Or what would the benefit be for me to do that in the short and long term?  What would this do to make my (or others ) day better/ brighter/ easier? Then I let my gut answer.  My gut is always right, it’s the interpretation I’ve been screwing up on. What ‘shoulds’ are ‘musts’ in your life? And what ‘should’ needs to experience the ‘would filter’ to give your life connection back?

Nancy Milton is “the First Dot” of Life Dots; a Facilitation and Coaching organization that strives to assist all clients in making the change in their lives to give them the life they want to have. Life Dots is about connecting your Life Dots.  For more information on one or one coaching, corporate coaching or retreats check out www.lifedots.ca or contact nancy@lifedots.ca